I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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