I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
