His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
