my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
