where am i from again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
