Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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