I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Houston, we have a squirter
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
