why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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