You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
