It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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