Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
