where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
