This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
