i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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