you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
