So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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