We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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