is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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