did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
