I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
