I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
