he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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