Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
