Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
