She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
