I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
