If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
