Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
