i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
