Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
