nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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