I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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