last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
