So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
