you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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