i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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