Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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