So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
