the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
