Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
