Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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