You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I see more hoeing in ur future
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