Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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