Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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