I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
