Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
