There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
