i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
