I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
