Got a toothbrush?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
