i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
