I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just tell him i said nine months
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
