Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
