can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
