i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
