He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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