Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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